Emails to Caroline

Hi Caroline,
I just wanted to say 'thanks' for the pep talk yesterday it really helped clear my head. The Regional Center left a message saying that after 3 years they refer kids to the schools and I'm still waiting for LAUSD to call me back. I did get an appointment with UCLA speech therapy for an evaluation, too bad it's not until June. I've got more hope on the program thru the school.

I'm sticking to giving him his underwear after bath, he's responding well to a few hours of it until bedtime. I'll keep at it and slowly increase the time. I'm still waiting to hear back from the preschool.

Yesterday I had to run to Target (Culver City -which I rarely go to) for a few essentials. And Rhys being Rhys was running around as usual. Funny because in actuality he was being very good, in comparison to what he's capable of, as you know it's very normal for him to be way across the store before we finally meet up again. I was just around the aisle from him, looking at some notebook paper, when I hear him calling for me and female voices asking him where his mommy is type of questions. I quickly step up to where they are and confirm I'm the mommy. He comes to me, and then this stupid b***h loudly lights into me, in the main aisle at Target, about how I need to keep an eye on him and how it's my responsibility to make sure I know where he is at all times, and NOT HIS!

Me, being the quick witted person I am stands there, per usual, my jaw dropped in awe that someone is actually insane enough to think they have the right to talk to me as if they knew anything about me, my life, or Rhys. A part of me was still down about everything that's been going through my head about him for the past week and thought 'yeah, she's right you know, she has a point', and another part of me was like 'who the hell do you think you are, you crazy woman?' All the while I just stood there taking it all, my only response was ' he's really quick and just takes off '. Duh.

As this is going on, I steal a glance at Rhys to see how he's taking this all in. He is silent, and remains fairly well behaved for the rest of the trip.

I walk away, or rather she walks away and I'm just standing there for a few more seconds before I push my cart onwards. Later a lady comes up to me and tells me that everyone who overheard the episode thought the lady was just a mean old mess that must be really unhappy with her life. She said she went up to the crazy woman and told her she had no right to speak to me that way, saying the things she did. That she didn't know anything about me and how she should mind her own business. That lady was so nice trying to cheer me up. She goes on to say that she has two kids of her own and they are always running around. She was very much 'mothers unite!'.

It's funny how karma works. Weeks ago when Rhys and I were just starting the art class there was an incident between two mothers. It happened just as we were about to pick the kids up. One mom had a daughter and the other a son. Now we all know how boys are and this one was no different. The kids were playing with building blocks and as we were waiting, the mother with the daughter observed how the son of the other mother had just knocked over her daughters creation. She turns to the mother and starts in on her as if she secretly esp’d her son to be mean and deliberately knock over the blocks. The mother was pretty steamed but responds as calmly as she could by saying 'I surprised that you are attacking me for something I have no control over. I can't go in there and disrupt the class. If you have a problem you need to address it with the teacher.' I say rather loudly that boys play roughly and I for one wished her son had knocked over Rhys' blocks so he could develop some empathy for when he does it to his brother, and the kids are there to socialize with each other and learn how to behave towards their peers. I could only hope the mom appreciated my comments.

Anyways it left me wondering about a lot of things. One of which is do I have a sign around my neck inviting crazies to come up and accost me? I know for a fact that had I been with another person she would not have dared make such a scene. Another was how arrogant some people are in assuming they know it all. The fact is I was really itching to tell her if she thinks she could do what she's prescribing me to do then she is welcome to take him for the afternoon. See if she's any good at playing Super Nanny.

Driving home, I pass by Mary's house and see her garage open and the car inside. I decide to stop by for a visit. Mary's so great she tells me next time someone deigns to tell me how to live my life to say 'thanks for the input, but mind your own business!'

I've been writing things down a lot lately and it makes me feel tons better, plus it seems if I don't I'll forget.
Thanks for being my sounding board for yesterday.
Love,
-Z


Caroline's Reply

If I were with you I would have roughed her up, for sure! You are right, she does have a point, but who assigned her as your mentor anyway? I could understand if Rhys was injured, or totally lost, then maybe she could have said something in a more supportive/understanding way. I do believe that sometimes the universe talks/yells at you through experiences, etc. I think all this is to sustain your motivation to intervene with him now. It really will all work out, and you will tell his wife the hell he put you through...yadda, yadda, yadda... Be strong!


My Reply

Yes, I agree that the incident yesterday was a wake up call. I have also been able to stay a lot calmer with him, making myself slowly explain things to him, telling him what I'm thinking and what I have planned for us to do next. I think what also made me stay cool was that I've been reading a couple of mommy type blogs lately and one of them had a really horrifying email from someone. So that put crazy in perspective and I was able to identify crazy as crazy.

I just got back from Trader Joes and it was a completely different vibe. Rhys was wandering around but the employees were so cute with him, probably because we're in there so much but one of the employees went on about how he was actually helping out by turning the fruit around.